Potentially Ironic Death Scenarios

In January 2008, Dan Chubb and Liam McShera invented a silly game. Think of an ironic cause of death for a celebrity (football related, ideally) based on their name.

The Originals

 * What if Ray Stubbs were to lose all his limbs in a bizarre laser-related mishap.
 * Shaun Wright-Phillips' "going to the barbers for a trim, signing a cheque for the service, then BLAM getting a screwdriver to the back of the head"
 * John Terry: Brutally manhandled into a portalooand forcefed chocolate orange til he bursts.
 * Sam Allardyce: After randomly selecting Islam over five other religions, he launches himself at a passing US spy plane.
 * Sol Campbell gets killed by an exploding can of soup left in direct sunlight
 * Ruel Fox gets TB being bitten by a Vulpine after declaring himself king
 * A dyslexic woman called Vera and ex-arsenal player Pat Rice beat the crap out of Patrice Evra
 * Hans Segers' loses everything from the wrist down after carrying too many Megadrives
 * Whilst sprinting to escape after stealing the entry device to Roman Abramovich's safe, Kieran Richardson is shot, ironically, by the wealthy Russian's tough male offspring, Yuri.
 * Justin Fashanu has been posthumously declared "Borderline Stylish" by GQ magazine. Great!
 * Paul Gascoigne got morbidly depressed about not being able to afford central heating
 * Whilst distributing cuddly toys to children Teddy Sheringham is knocked unconscious by a slab of pork
 * Randy Lerner has been tragically told that he contracted HIV from his old university tutor many years ago. So he drove his sports car into his Spanish holiday home.
 * Mike Riley - Beaten to death with a pool cue on karaoke night
 * Uriah Rennie - Blood poisoning from a defective kidney after taking a dodgy antacid tablet
 * Manchester united winger Nani apparantly passed away whilst looking after some children.
 * During a Christmas themed fancy dress party aboard the Pacific Princess, the pleasure liner was swept onto the craggy coastline of Cape Horn. Amongst the dead, ironically, was Roque Santa Cruz
 * Marc Overmars - While grading his prodigious son's physics homework, he is accidentally blasted on an unlikely orbit passing the Red Planet
 * Rodney Marsh - Drowned in boggy terrain after having his patella smashed to smithereens by a length of iron pole
 * Bobby Robson - Shot by police in an administrative mix-up after failing to pay his child support
 * Petit - Mauled to death by midgets
 * Danny Invincible - Decapitated
 * Kaka - Drowned in effluent
 * Whilst explaining to Tony Gubba how Arsenal are going to "Take every game as it comes", Gael Clichy is blown away by a freak gust of wind
 * Ray Parlour dies on a sunbed
 * Titi Camara a massive heart attack after taking thousands of photos of topless women.
 * Joey Barton found crushed by a 1000kg pole that seemingly landed on him whilst he was distracted by a baby kangaroo.
 * Gerry Armstrong was today found dead in Munich after an altercation with a German bodybuilder that culminated in him being crushed to death in a vice like bear hug
 * Phil Thompson has been fatally crushed trying to break the world record for the number of dyslexics inside a travel agency.

Non-Football Related Deaths

 * Fats Domino run over by his pizza delivery boy on a grossly overburdened moped
 * Slim Shady starved to death in a darkened room
 * Christian Slater crushed by falling roof tiles when leaving church
 * Rob Van Damme - Hastily escaping from a bank job in a Ford Transit, he cursed as he went crashing over the edge of a hydroelectric facility
 * Jack Osbourne - Trapped under Matt Damon's Mini Cooper in Australia while changing a tyre.
 * Tiger Woods mauled by a lion....in a desert
 * Charlie Dimmock overdoses on cocaine after someone pokes fun at her lack of intellect

Non Death Related

 * Owen Hargreaves fined two weeks wages for laughing at a recent widow
 * Jonny Wilkinson: Loses his penis after someone cruelly plants razor blades inside his prophylactic
 * England Rugby Star Ollie Barclay arrested for doing skateboard stunts in his local bank
 * In other news Avram Grant has turned his hand to wool farming, but was ironically denied his sheep quota premium by the Rural Payments Agency.
 * Andy Gray gets bound and loses circulation in his wrists, causing his fingers to lose pigmentation
 * Whilst shovelling to bury his ecstasy stash Dougie Freedman inadvertently rescues a chap who had been trapped underground.